THE COLBERT REPORT 1-29 and 1-30-07

Mark your calendars, folks! March 20th is Stephen Colbert day in Oskawa, Ontario! It all started last year when junior hockey league team the Saginaw Spirit of Michigan held an online contest to create a new mascot. Stephen asked the Heroes to get the mascot named after him. We all happily obliged, and sometime later, Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle was born. The Spirit came from last place to lead the division this season! Now, Saginaw's rivals are the Oskawa Generals who at a recent game, threw teddy bears onto the ice as a direct mock of Stephen. He hates bears who are godless killing machines. So, Stephen told the Colbert Nation to throw out sections of General Motors third quarter fiscal report (Oskawa is the Canadian headquarters of GM). Now, the mayor of the town challenged Stephen to a bet. The Generals and the Spirit played the previous Saturday. If the mayor won, Stephen would wear a Generals jersey on one episode, but if Stephen won, the mayor would declare it Stephen Colbert Day is Oskawa on Stephen's birthday. Colbert upped the ante: he didn't want his day on his birthday, he wanted it on the mayor's! Cut to Saturday, Saginaw wins 5-4!

Plus, the WORD was WIKILOBBYING. All you need to know is "Reality is the new commodity."
Oh, and Stephen licked a battery.