THE COLBERT REPORT 1-29 and 1-30-07

Mark your calendars, folks! March 20th is Stephen Colbert day in Oskawa, Ontario! It all started last year when junior hockey league team the Saginaw Spirit of Michigan held an online contest to create a new mascot. Stephen asked the Heroes to get the mascot named after him. We all happily obliged, and sometime later, Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle was born. The Spirit came from last place to lead the division this season! Now, Saginaw's rivals are the Oskawa Generals who at a recent game, threw teddy bears onto the ice as a direct mock of Stephen. He hates bears who are godless killing machines. So, Stephen told the Colbert Nation to throw out sections of General Motors third quarter fiscal report (Oskawa is the Canadian headquarters of GM). Now, the mayor of the town challenged Stephen to a bet. The Generals and the Spirit played the previous Saturday. If the mayor won, Stephen would wear a Generals jersey on one episode, but if Stephen won, the mayor would declare it Stephen Colbert Day is Oskawa on Stephen's birthday. Colbert upped the ante: he didn't want his day on his birthday, he wanted it on the mayor's! Cut to Saturday, Saginaw wins 5-4!

Plus, the WORD was WIKILOBBYING. All you need to know is "Reality is the new commodity."
Oh, and Stephen licked a battery.

THE DAILY SHOW 1-29 AND 1-30-07!

I'm back after a week in the Peachtree State. Mom recorded TDS and TCR for me while I was away. I decided I'm not going to do a recap of last week, but do check out on Comedy Central's Motherload or You Tube of Jon Stewart speaking to I'm a Dick Cheney on camera three. Jon tried to speak to ol' Dickey as a fellow hunter, Cheney's physician, and Darth Vader. He did this because of Cheney's interview with Wolf Blitzer and all it shows is Cheney is an even bigger...you know...than we thought. Moving along.

Monday's guest was Bill Gates who hadn't thought of creating jetpacks for the future! And you call yourself an innovator! The interview went fine until Bill left before Jon could say "Bill Gates, everybody!" Tuesday, we "found out" why Gates left. Apparently, he is a major a-hole who pushes all the little guys around. Hillary Clinton's Presidential slogan is "Let's Start the Conversation" ZZZ... Couldn't come with a better one, Hil?

OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EVENING!

Thursday was a glorious night, with the Scrubs musical and "Papa Bear" O'Reilly on The Colbert Report, I was in heaven.

First, on Scrubs, J.D. and Elliot bring in a woman who has collapsed at the park. Now, this poor woman hears singing everywhere she goes. The best numbers are "Everything Comes Down to Poo" which explains if you are shot, check the poo. The next is J.D. and Turk's love song, "Guy Love" which is a love between two heterosexual men. Although, I wonder about J.D. when he says Turk is the "only man who has ever been inside of me." Turk explains he took out J.D.'s appendix. Other highlights include "Welcome to Sacred Heart" "Friends Forever" and the Turk/Carla tango where he doesn't know his wife's middle name! Great episode!

Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert appeared on The O'Reilly Factor(the only time I will ever watch this show!). Stephen totally nailed Papa Bear! O'Reilly tried to push Stephen's buttons, but our Colbert kept hitting one back every time. Now, on Stephen's show, O'Reilly was nailed again and Colbert stole the microwave from the Fox News studio. I didn't write much in the past few days because one I was in bed again with a bad cold and I am going out of town for the next four days.

THE COLBERT REPORT 1-16-07

It finally happened. Last night's Colbert Report was eh. Except at the beginning when Stephen was berating his staff for the squeaking chair at his desk. Everything must be perfect for O'Reilly Thursday! Also he totally nailed his guest Dinesh what's-his-name! Dinesh says the cultural left caused 9/11, but when asked to clarify, he choked. BURN!!

THE COLBERT REPORT 1-16-07

It finally happened. Last night's Colbert Report was eh. Except at the beginning when Stephen was berating his staff for the squeaking chair at his desk. Everything must be perfect for O'Reilly Thursday! Also he totally nailed his guest Dinesh what's-his-name! Dinesh says the cultural left caused 9/11, but when asked to clarify, he choked. BURN!!

THE COLBERT REPORT 1-16-07

It finally happened. Last night's Colbert Report was eh. Except at the beginning when Stephen was berating his staff for the squeaking chair at his desk. Everything must be perfect for O'Reilly Thursday!

THE DAILYSHOW 1-16-07

BEEP! BEEP!I didn't really pay attention to the first segment of the show, but I did see a Wile E. Coyote analogy to the war including with my favorite part, John Oliver holding a wooden sign that said YIKES! Ah, brings back memories...

KLINGONS IN THE WHITE HOUSE: Which word doesn't belong here? Representative David Wu gave a speech where he compared the war to the Klingon-Vulcan rivalry in the Star Trek series. To further explain what the hell the whole Trekkie war, Jon called expert Leonard Nimoy live via telephone. While Nimoy got into a long, boring explanation (ZZZZZ..), George Takei got on a separate line and I didn't understand what he was saying but he did sign off with Takei out motherfucker!

MICHAEL OREN: OK, I didn't pay attention to him either. Guy, it was a long day!

JON/STEPHEN: Stephen finally mentions Papa Bear is coming to his show and he is filled with glee!!

THE COLBERT REPORT: 1-15-07

Before I begin this post, I want to tell you a little about The Colbert Report. Former Daily Show correspondent Stephen Colbert hosts this show as a parody of right-wing pundit shows such as The O'Reilly Factor(he's on Thursday!!) and Scarborough Country. Stephen Colbert plays "Stephen Colbert"-a right-wing blowhard. The more sincere he sounds, the more ridiculous it is. He is praising Republicans while in reality he is mocking them. He also has a great relationship with his fan-base: get a Hungarian bridge named after him, no problem. Vandalize Wikipedia, then start own website, piece of cake. Stephen's largest website is the Colbert Nation, where Colbert-Heads may talk all things truthy and how great Stephen is . His last show of 2007, he had a shred-off with the Decemberists who ripped off his "Green Screen Challenge." Stephen "cuts" his hand and who does he ask to step in, why Peter Frampton. Heck, Henry Kissinger was the deciding vote! Anyhoo, that is what the Colbert Report is all about. Now, on with the show!

Stephen is also propositioning Condi with his manliness.
THE WORD IS VICTORY!-December's recruitment rate is up 23% because the military lowered their monthly retention from 7000 to 700. If the goal stayed at 7000, they would be down 87%.

STEPHEN'S DOW ADVICE: Stephen takes on the stock market giving us advice on which stocks to buy. He had a red buzzer that sounded like a vocal Magic 8-Ball. From this segment, I found out that Cingular is changing its name back to AT&T! I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT!!!

THE GUEST: Tonight's guest was a woman who had become addicted to plastic surgery then quit, now she wrote a book about other people who are still addicted to plastic surgery and messed their bodies up.

That's all for tonight folks!

THE DAILY SHOW:1-15-06

STRANGERS WITH CONDI(OR JON TAKES ONE FOR THE TEAM!): Apparently, Senator Barbara Boxer (D)-CA insinuated, okay flat out told Condi Rice that she would not understand about the people's plight in Iraq because she is not married nor has any children. Jon decides the only way to stop the war is to seduce Rice. Watching Jon try-horribly-to come onto Rice on Camera 3 was disturbing yet hilarious.

MLK DAY WITH LARRY WILMORE: African-American Correspondent Wilmore wants to change Martin Luther King Day to MLK Day, as he explains, "they did it to KFC." I didn't pay much attention to this segment. That's the trouble with ADD, you're mind goes in different directions.

SHALOM BABY!: Tonight's guest was the host of the History Channel's Digging for the Truth Josh Bernstein. After learning who Bernstein was, I immediately decided to watch his show religiously in the hopes of seeing him with his shirt off. He travels to Egypt, A LOT. I'll see those pecks in no time! The first thing Jon mentions when the screams and fainting of women have died down is "Are you a Jew?" Apparently, Jews have bad sinus infections.

JON/STEPHEN: Stephen is suing his pool man unless he puts in a hot tub for free.

NO WHITE CASTLE FOR YOU KUMAR!!

Note: Since 24 was a 2-night, 4-hour premiere, I decided to wait until tonight to recap. Kumar's got me pissed off!!!

On the season premiere of 24, Kumar was a teen terrorist who was taken by his friend's parents after his father was arrested for possibly being a terrorist. As it turns out, his dad had no idea what his son was up to. Anyway, our beloved badass Jack Bauer has spent the last 20 months being tortured in a Chinese prison daily. For the past 11 weeks, America has been plagued by suicide bombers in ten different citites. I bet this wouldn't have happened if Jack was around, but I digress. Anyway, a head terrorist has agreed to give up his boss in exchange for Jack. So he can kill him. Apparently some time ago Jack killed guy's bro during interrigation. The Feds and CTU boss Buchanan tell Jack that he has to die in order to save the country. Jack's okay with it, as long as he dies for something instead of nothing like said Chinese torture chamber.

Bad guys get Jack and begin to torture him when Bauer learns this trade was a set-up. The terrorist Fayed tells Jack he is behind the attacks and thought why not kill two birds with one stone. Back in sunny LA, Kumar has taken his buddy and parents hostage. Since Kumar cannot deliver a important package to destination, he gets his friend's dad to take it. Meanwhile in DC, David Palmer's kid brother Wayne is now Prez and no one lets poor Wayne forget how great big brother was. He winds up ordering suspected terrorists interned in prison camps. One who is imprisoned is his sister's boyfriend, a good friend of the ACLU. To wrap this up(this is just for night one), Jack eats through man's throat, saves the "good" terrorist who really wants to make peace, and informs CTU and the president of the double-cross. WHEW!!

Night two...Dad delivers package...Kumar gets taken down...Jack doesn't want to do this anymore...and oh yeah,...they F@%#*G nuked LA!!!!!!!!!!...AND THERE'S FOUR MORE(NUKES)!!!!

I know night two was a cop-out, but they NUKED LA!! Take a while and comprehend this! My mom watched this show for the first time tonight and she couldn't handle it!!!!

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE COLBERT REPORT: JANUARY 9-11

• Apple Comuputers gets a Double Wag of Stephen's Finger for changing their name to Apple Inc. and for something else I can't remember
• Stephen treats all the states like his children except Massachusetts which is a gay adopted child
• Bill O'Reilly(Papa Bear) and Stephen will appear on each other's shows January 18.
• Stephen believed Bush should send 300 Million Americans to Iraq(WORD-Texas Hold Em) except for the gays who will stay and redecorate.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAILY SHOW: JANUARY 9-11

• Jon is named one of NY's Ten Best Dressed. He wants to know why since he wears the same shirt all the time!
• The author of "On Truth" may have been stoned during his interview with Stewart
• I think Peter O' Toole is awesome! His favorite film is also one of mine! The Lion in Winter with Katharine Hepburn and Sir Anthony Hopkins rocks!

THE NEW WORD OF 2007 IS...

Well, we'll get to that in just a minute. After three weeks of reruns, Stephen Colbert is back to bring us the truth! But, Stephen is not happy. He greets with a sad "Happy New Year" and blows on his noisemaker with a melancholy look on his face. Awww, why is Stephen so sad? Sadaam was executed while he was on vacation and he had waited to report on this since the Iraq War began. He had planned a star-studded extravaganza for the hanging!

The WORD is FACTS-Stephen is also uhhappy that the Democrats have taken Congress. That's why we must fight facts with "facts." This year Stephen's mission is to help us, the heroes, determine which facts he can prove or we can't disprove(FACTINESS, copyrighted by Stephen).

WHO'S HONORING AND NOT HONORING ME NOW-a state college is trying to ban the word "truthiness" from our dictionaries because they think the word is played out. Yeah, right, it won't be out of circulation for a few more years. Meanwhile, Gay.com named Stephen their Man of the Year! Stephen accepts this honor because it is a commecial website, a site for profit.

Tonight's guest was-I forgot his name-but he wants to legalize drugs. After watching him, he is not the right man for the job. What a blowhard! Trust me, just listen to the guy speak.

That's all for the Report tonight, let's watch it at 12:30(our time) and spot the differences

THE RETURN OF THE DAILY SHOW

Everytime The Daily Show goes on hiatus, something bad or newsworthy happens. Case in point, late August 2005, they go on vacation, Hurricance Katrina. A few months before Katrina, the London bombings. Now during the Christmas break, Gerald Ford dies, James Brown dies, and Sadaam is executed. Coincidence? I think not.

Jon and co, first report on the Sadaam's death with senior correspondent John Oliver reporting from Iraq. He also got the entire execution on his new telephone he got for Christmas. In the next segment, Jason Jones reported on school violence. Apparently, a Wisconsin congressman has introduced a solution: the teachers should be armed in the classroom. Don't worry, the firearms will be safely kept in the teacher's lounge. Meanwhile, a Omaha (I think, I'll edit this part later) superindentent nominee disagrees with the congressman and came up with an even better solution: the kids' textbooks will double as shields! He tests his theory on Jones with a paintball gun, but the guy has more fun shooting Jones in the nuts.

Tonight's guest was comedian Louis C.K. who has a bad time during the holidays because he had to spend it with family.

At the end of the show, Jon does his check-in with Stephen-who is sporting his 2007 party glasses, and the Moment of Zen was the realization that CNN has truly lost it.

I'M BACK!!

Well, I'm back after a few days hiatus. Getting grad school applications ready are killer. So I am going to sum a few shows I watched in one post.

Scrubs-only two weeks until the musical episode. After sneaking a peak at Guy Love, I know it will be very entertaining. This week, the show does a loving tribute to House. Dr. Cox must solve three cases involving a guy turning orange, a woman dying of heart failure without any symptoms of heart disease, and why the hell Carla is staying at the hospital days after she was sent home. House, er I mean Cox solves each case except maybe Carla's. I missed that part, but the viewers know she's got a bad case of post-partum depression.

Saturday Night Live-a repeat of the new classic Alec Baldwin episode from November. The highlights includes two colleagues who carpool together. If you happen to catch this skit sometime, you will never look at Bobby McFerrin the same way again. Steve Martin drops by and tries to kill Baldwin again, with surprising results. Plus Tony Bennett meets his impostor.

That's all for now. Sorry for this being so short.

Dirt: All about hypocrisy

All right, if you haven't noticed, FX has a new daring drama premiering tonight called Dirt. It's about the tabloid industry and how far they will go to get a shot of celebrities in the act. Well, I gotta admit, this shows has balls. Come on, a death, car crash, and a schizophrenic paparazzo and that's just in the pilot.

Anyhoo, like I said in the title, it's all about hypocrisy. A guy wants to be a good actor when all he really wants to be is in the papers and have tons of publicity. A woman who has just found out she's pregnant has a few hits of E and blow. A married man gets it on with a starlet he just met. Only in Hollywood.

Does Dirt show a tiny bit too much? Definitely.

Will the show make it through the season? Maybe.

Will I watch all the madness next week? Hell, yes!

SCRUBS-THE SHOW I'M INTO (RIGHT NOW)

Scrubs is the show I'm catching up on now on syndication. It always happens, you mean to watch some show when it first comes on, and you never get around to see it. Well, anyway, Scrubs in what I'm into right now.

Like Monk, here is some back story: John "JD" Dorian began his medical internship at Sacred Grace Hospital along with best friend Turk and girlfriend/not girlfriend Elliot. Scrubs has a tendency to act out JD's thoughts on-screen and has some other colorful characters including crabby Dr. Cox, evil Dr. Kelso, snappy Nurse Carla and a weird guy only known as Janitor who tortures JD as much as possible.

This episode deals with having a "sex buddy" and the consequences afterwards. The "buddies" are JD and Elliot who have started up again, one reason because Elliot has been cut off from her father's funds and is kicked out of her apartment. She bunks at JD's place where the sex begins. JD starts to think this might be a bad idea because of Elliot's mental state, but he's not really thinking with his brain, is he?

I know I didn't write much on my first day, but I have a bad cold. I'm almost over it, if anyone's wondering. Okay now I'm done blogging for the day. That's all folks!!

More Monk cuz nothing else's on!

There is nothing on today except for our good ol' Monk marathon. This episode may feature a first...a guy was "ninjaed" to death. It's true, guy opens his door, ninja comes in and kills him. The murderer may be a Bruce Lee-type martial arts star who died six years ago. Must be pretty pissed off to get up from out of his grave and kill him, huh? The usual antics go on including Monk goes to a Buddhist temple and has to take his shoes off. Only Monk could get a man to forego his vow of silence.

The First Post

My first review and it's an episode of "Monk." They're showing an all-day marathon today on the USA network. For anyone who doesn't know what the show is all about, here it goes: Adrian Monk was a top detective in his San Francisco precinct. Then his reporter wife Trudy dies in a car bomb explosion possibly meant for Mr. Monk. Naturally, Monk is devastated, but he completely shuts down and becomes an obsessive-compulsive neurotic. Everything must be in order and followed to a T. Anyway, his colleagues routinely ask for his assistance in solving murder cases. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, on with the show...

Monk and his assistant, Sharona are watching a local play starring Sharona's sister, Gail. During the performance, the male lead is supposed to be stabbed with a rubber knife. Somehow, a real one is plunged into him instead. Gail is charged with the crime. Sharona's mother flies down to help out and Sharona tells Monk right before Mom arrives that she told her that she (Sharona) is Monk's partner, not his assistant. Highlights include Monk tries speed dating to get information about a suspect and Monk gets hired as the male lead for the play which he is surprisingly good at. All in all, pretty good Monk episode.