Wednesday, November 12, 2008

MARIAH'S PLAY-BY-PLAY ON ELECTION NIGHT...EIGHT DAYS LATER

I know it's been eight days since the election. Yes, it would have been easier to blog if I had a laptop, but I don't have one. If anyone knows where I can get a laptop cheap, please reply in the comments. NO SPAM OR SCAM REPLIES!!!





Now, let's reminisce....





7:00-I WANT CNN'S MAGIC BOARD! Gonna stick to one station (CNN and its board) Did I mention I love CNN's board!





8:15-In my home state: Hey, Mitch McConnell pulled it off!





8:22-Dear news, why are you projecting that Obama will be the winner in Michigan if he is behind in the returns right now?! Remember 2000?





8:34-CNN projects Ohio goes to...Obama!





8:35-Look at all those people in Grant Park





8:45-According to CNN, youth voters and the economy helped Obama win Ohio. Turing over to Fox News-they're depressed





8:50-OK, why is CNN have Obama at 199-78 electoral votes, but Fox News and MSNBC have Obama 200-90?





9:00-Now to the best mother$#%#%@&^% news team on the planet-THE DAILY SHOW and THE COLBERT REPORT!!!!!! TOGETHER AT LAST!!!!!



9:01-Stephen brings the juice!!-The Final Endgame Go Time Alpha Action Lift-Off Decide-Icidal Hungry Man's Extreme Raw Power Ultimate Voteslam Smackdown '08 No Mercy: Judgment Day '08 ...'08!



9:02-Jon strikes back!! A dude is on fire but he doesn't forget to vote!! OMG, it was Dick Gephardt!!



9:03-Awwww!!! Stephen has red cards while Jon has blue!



9:05-Stephen is about to cry and he believe Ohio may have conspired with Cuba! Look at their respective flags.



9:06-Roscoe the cockatoo is sad Obama's winning too.



9:07-South Carolina is the bonus state: electoral votes tripled!!!



9:08-(CNN) Republican strategist admits the party failed



9:10-Comedy Central called my home state to...McCain. Bit of trivia: McCain called Louisville Slugger-he's made of 10% cork!



9:12-Correspondent Jason Jones is at Obama headquarters-Bambi Town



9:14-Rob Riggle reports on unprecedented voter turnout-he does his patriotic duty by tackling people so they cannot vote. Sounds like a McCain supporter.



9:16-The Daily Show is unbleeped when John Oliver says the next president will inherit a "giant shitburger."



9:17-Dear Santa: Please give me a CNN magic board for Christmas



9:22-Who is this guy on Jon and Stephen are interviewing?



9:23-Oh, it's Steve Forbes! I remember him losing the nomination in '96. He ran in 2000, too?



9:25-I like the idea of a Bull Moose party.



9:28-(MSNBC) Bishop T.D. Jakes can't believe this is happening in his lifetime



9:30-Stephen's live blogging!!!!!! Yes, I will read you!!! I'm off to Twitter!!! Stephen is in the second stage-anger.



9:32-Louisiana goes to McCain and Obama show us his boobs! The TDS team went out to the polls to if the "Bradley effect" is in swing. It's not.



9:33-There needs to be another Oliver-Wilmore segment.



9:36-Fox News is REALLY sad right now



9:37-MY BRAIN IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!! TOO MANY CHANNELS!!!



9:39-Samantha Bee is at McCain headquarters-fifth circle of hell



9:41-Aasif Mandvi is at Al-Queda headquarters. They're not too happy with Obama.



9:43-Fox News projects Obama will win Virginia.

9:46-Will racism be over if (who am I kidding?) when Obama wins? Whoa! The Obama's former law professor Charles Ogletree thought they were conservatives!!! Funny that Ogletree thought that Michelle would go into higher office and Barack would make a great mayor!

9:49-Larry Wilmore is taking over The Daily Show?!!! Tyler Perry's House of Daily Show with Larry Wilmore?! Wyatt Cenac taking over The Colbert Report?!! Cenac Attack!!!

9:53-Comedy Central says Obama has won Virginia! Stephen's anger continues

9:57-The Republicans need someone to blame-Hockey Dads!

9:58-Stephen's denial has returned

10:00-We finally have a... Hawaiian president.
Jon Stewart has the pleasure of announcing our newest president....BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:03-The news team is suffering from campaign withdrawal! Stephen has blocked himself off from the rest of the world!

10:05-They're off to freedom!! It's so beautiful...and Bush is still president for two more months

10:19-Back to CNN where McCain concedes

11:00-Obama makes powerful speech, his kids get a puppy, and I'm off to bed!


THE END