Tuesday, August 7, 2007

THE COLBERT REPORT: JULY 31, 2007

SMARTIES: As how Vicodin tastes like to Stephen. How hard was it to watch all those wrist injuries on screen?! I had successfully blocked that scene in"The Fly" from my brain. Now all those horrible memories have returned. DAMMIT!!!!

STEPHEN'S REAL ESTATE ADVICE: The main story was that Russia has claimed the North Pole as theirs. Christmas is in jeopardy. Our children will be drunk of their minds by 8 a.m. Christmas morning. As Stephen said, we must send our reserve of hermit crabs to bring Christmas back to America!

THE WORD is...SPECIAL PROSECUTOR: Alberto Gonzales, I implore you, please STFU. You will not win, everyone thinks you are a liar. In fact, there is documented proof that you have lied to everyone!

KATHLEEN KENNEDY TOWNSEND: Townsend is also one of eleven children like Stephen is, but she cannot say their names faster than he can.

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