THE COLBERT REPORT: OCTOBER 9-11, 2007

Amazon said my copy of I Am America (And So Can You!) was shipped out on the ninth. WHERE IS IT?!!

• Stephen Colbert interviews....Stephen Colbert?!!
• Dennis "Leprechaun" Kucinich has accepted Colbert's challenge! Plus to give back the change he stole from Stephen!
• The Brown-Haired Guy who is not Steve Doocy hair is really black.

I hoped all the Heroes watched Colbert on Larry King Thursday. Good interview.

THE DAILY SHOW: OCTOBER 9-11, 2007

• Oh, Jon, you are so adorable trying to suck up to Dick Cheney before Mrs. Cheney comes on for an interview.
• The future Pam Anderson-Rick Solomon sex tape will be the best ever!
• Hey only 25 nations are helping the US with the war in Iraq. Wait now 24, that lady from Iceland left.
• I knew the Lynne Cheney interview was going to be awkward.
• Who doesn't love those crazy teasers before a news report?!

THE COLBERT REPORT: OCTOBER 8, 2007

ONE MORE DAY!!: Until I Am America (And So Can You!) hits bookstores. Like a Colbert groupie, I pre-ordered mine on Amazon. They said it should be here at the end of the week or the beginning of the next. I can't wait!!!!!

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY: Only "Stephen Colbert" could call Columbus a freeloader who took away jobs from American discoverers. Maybe he said that because he had to work that day.

THE BOOK!!: How adorable was Stephen's Italian accent and that puppy Riley?! It was so cute when the little guy helped Stephen write his book!

THE WORD IS...MEDIUM MATTERS: Mike Huckabee, you are disappointing me. How could you support Rush Limbaugh's awful statements and condemn Media Matters.org? (the org stands for orgy)-copyright Wikiality.com

STEPHEN COLBERT'S BALLZ...FOR KIDS!: Those poor kids won't get any free healthcare! President Bush is meanie!

GEORGE SAUNDERS: I gotta start paying attention to interviews! I'm just too excited about the book! Move your ass! U.S. Mail!!!

HAPPY I AM AMERICA DAY!: Who didn't love the countdown to the availability of Stephen's book I Am America (And So Can You!). Now go out and buy it!!!

THE DAILY SHOW: OCTOBER 8, 2007

TORTURE? WHO US? NAH!: Bushie was denying (again) that we don't torture suspects. We know your full of it, sir.

LARRY CRAIG: A few weeks ago, not R. Kelly performed a hilarious song about Sen. Craig's possible homosexuality. Unfortunately, he was unavailable (Wahhhh!!). So now we have a Dreamgirls reference (And I'm telling you...).

VINCENTE FOX: I was surprised Fox didn't need an interpreter. If you squint he sort of looks like a Mexican Peter Jennings. Why was he talking trash about my Brazilian friend Evo?! For shame, Mr. Fox!

SOUTH PARK: CARTMAN GETS TOURETTE'S!

The season premiere of South Park featured Cartman faking Tourette's Syndrome. In this recap, I will write some of the things he uttered. Now onto the show.


While out shopping with his mom-MEXICAN SHITTY BALLS!-, Cartman met a kid with Tourette's syndrome-AW, SHIT!-. When Cartman realizes that he can say anything and not get in trouble-TITTY SPRINKLES!-(complete with him singing "I've Got a Golden Ticket" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory), he jumps on it.

Kyle immediately figures out that Cartman is faking, but the Tourette's Society-PISS IN THE ASS!-comes to Cartman's defense. Chris Haannnseennn discovers Cartman-DONKEY BONER!-and invites him to come onto Dateline and tells his story. Naturally, Cartman sees this as a perfect opportunity, but he begins to slip out some real truths. Now Cartman doesn't want to go on, but Hannnseeenn tells him he doesn't have a choice!

Meanwhile, Kyle and the AW SHIT! kid team up to expose Cartman. They set up so that pedophiles can come to the Dateline stage. When the offenders enter, they immediately commit suicide when they see Chris Hannnseeennn. In the shocking moment of the night, CARTMAN THANKS KYLE FOR SAVING HIM! Altogether-AW SHIT!!

CLEANING OUT THE DVR: SEPTEMBER

The Unsuspected-a neat, less-known film. Claude Rains (Louie from Casablanca) is a radio host who commits murder. His naive (okay, dumb) niece doesn't believe he could do such a thing, but he does.

Tokyo Story-a couple go to visit their grown children. The ungrateful bastards move them from one place to the other. I wanted to give my mom a hug after watching this one.

The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!-a Russian submarine becomes stranded in Nantucket. Hilarity ensues. Johnathon Winters plays the deputy sheriff. You know it's a comedy.

The Happy Years-a cute turn-of-the century tale about a reckless boy. Activities include painting the neighbor's horse green.

Anna Karenina-Tolstoy's masterpiece starring Garbo.

The Pumpkin Eater-Anne Bancroft gets pregnant. A lot. Lady has some issues.

THE COLBERT REPORT: OCTOBER 4, 2007

THE WORD IS...CATASTROPHE: As in North Korea's talks.



THREATDOWN!: Science & Technology edition

5. Remote Control Toys!-Children should not land planes.

4. Hybrid Cars!-I want to see that graphic (watch the segment)

3. Sloppy Scientists!-Oh my heavens! MONKEYPOX ON THE LAM!

2. White Chocolate-Stephen's pimp name.

1. Robots!



JOHN KAO: Dude, lose the bow tie.